Thank you all for the sweet comments, texts and emails after reading my previous post. They mean a lot to me ❤
About 15 hours after I wrote that post I had a moment. It revolved around this moment….
So thankful for my iphone camera, and that I had it in my pocket. Otherwise I wouldn’t have this moment to look back on forever.
I was putting our things in the car to go over to play with our cousins and I looked over to see this.
This picture depicts them so well. Sloane is holding little flowers in her hand that she picked and Knox holding a ball. Their legs, faces and everything I saw in that moment. It still takes my breath away. I have two babies. I have two babies after my first baby died. I had two babies 14 months after their older brother died.
I read my previous post a time or two after I wrote it. In reading it, I’m reminded that I know it’s hard for others having going through the loss of a child or infertility. I wrote it all out pretty simply and short. It was anything but. I’m very thankful I was able to become pregnant twice. After Cohen, I wondered if he would be my only baby to ever give birth to because of the previous issues I had with endometriosis and PCOS. I’ve never been opposed to adoption, but I know the through process is tricky when it comes to infertility.
Why and when have been questions from day one. Why me? When will I have a baby? When will I have more babies, if I can.
So when it seems like in my previous post I’ve overcome all my trials, I haven’t. “Why and “when” still linger forever, but like I said faith always sees to make the why pass quickly.
I don’t wonder will I hace more babies, if I can, because I don’t intend to as of now.
I will wonder why and when for you. More importantly, I’ll pray that you have faith, peace and understanding, whether it be with loss or infertility. I pray that you will receive the gift of a child, even if from adoption.
I struggled with “it’s all part of His plan” off and on, simply because I didn’t like the plan. That’s where it gets tricky, though. Do I like His plan now? Yes, of course. I have two beautiful, healthy babies. My first born is healed and home, even though not in my home.
I don’t know how your plan will end up, but I hope that you can look over and see peace and happiness in something, even after heartbreak or trials.