2.01.2013

Hearts & Thoughts

don't fade away....   :) I know, contrary to Pearl Jam.

So, February is a pretty meaningful month around here.

It's the month for hearts and love.

On February 13, 2010, we found out our first born baby, Cohen, had a very broken heart. We met with a cardiologist who ultimately told us that our chances of having Cohen in our arms were very slim. She was wrong. We did in fact hold him. We knew his name when we found out about his heart. We knew he was a boy. I felt him move and kick. He was real and he was perfect. He just had a very broken heart.

A few days after we met with that local cardiologist and my OB, we met with a heart surgeon in Dallas. We later met with a surgeon in Houston, but we knew and still felt Dallas was where we needed to be. We were right. The staff and surgeon were amazing. Cohen taught us all.

Cohen was born doing better than expected. He fought harder than most believed he could, and longer than they thought he would. His heart surgeon did help mend his heart, but his little body couldn't fight the edema that came along with it.

Sometimes is still feels like a dream. I know it's not and I thank God I don't dream about it on a normal basis. Of course I think about him regularly, but I've had to let days go. I can't think about the 7th every month, the day of the month in which he was born, or the 18th of the month when he went to Heaven.

February 13th isn't a day I think I've let go of....along with the two days in June, of course. On February 13th, mine and Brent's lives changed forever. We knew that.

I can't imagine life not having had Cohen or Knox & Sloane. They were all in our lives within fourteen months of one another and they will be in our lives forever. Heaven seems so far away, but one day we will all be together and it's pretty exciting.

So, I won't go into statistics on heart disease and what not today. It's obviously something I feel pretty passionate about, but just know your heart can be broken physically and mentally and you can overcome it. Of course, mental breakdowns are normal, and though sometimes it's hard to hear, "God has a plan," but in my opinion that's true.

So hear we are. We have no idea if Knox & Sloane would be here without having had Cohen. We have no idea why God picked us to have Cohen, a baby with a broken heart. We've learned we can't question any of it. We have lived it and we still are and we are happy.

We are happy for our broken hearts and for our full hearts, even when they both may sometimes hurt.

{June 18, 2010 - the day Cohen went to Heaven.}

{February 2012}

Happy February :)

19 comments :

  1. So so so beautiful. God bless Cohen!

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  2. Beautiful words.... and babies (:

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  3. Seeing those two pictures together is a little sad but also makes me so happy for you and your family. What a blessing Cohen is

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  4. Blessings to your family.
    My sister has an 19 month old little girl with hypoplastic left heart syndrome. This is her 4th child (only girl). Her other children are 7,6 and 4.
    This past year we have experienced my mother surviving two aortic dissections.

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  5. It always amazes me how strong and positive you are. Hugs.

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  6. precious... all 3 of your babies are beautiful! Love following you on IG! I forgot what your blog looked like ;) Glad I decided to check in on your blog today. I have followed you since you were pregnant with Cohen and I love watching your blue eyed babies grow. Your an amazing wife, mommy and women of God. Thanks for sharing your life with others, your a true blessing! :)

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  7. Your story is such an inspiration! Thank you so much for sharing and caring. Perhaps you've read this story; if not, I know you'll be deeply touched:

    micahandlindseygibson.blogspot.com

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  8. Such a beautiful post, friend. You know this and it has been said so many times but God knew what he was doing when he chose you and brent to be Cohen's earthly parents. you both are so remarkable both in your faith and how you share you story. I think about Cohen every month as I get ready to snap Maclane's pictures on the 18th. You think about the number of lives he has touched and just keep multiplying it. Love, love and hugs to you!

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  9. I immediately started singing elderly woman... I think we're musical soul sisters :)
    You have such a beautiful family and beautiful heart... And no matter what, when I read your blog I scroll to the bottom to see that photo of Cohen. His spirit was too strong to fade away.

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  10. Beautifully written, i always love your heart posts, straight from the heart<3

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  11. What a beautiful post. Thank you, as always, for sharing your heart. Your blog was one of the first places I found after saying goodbye to our precious twin boys and I have been following along ever since. You are such an inspiration and Cohen only knows the pure, amazing love that has been poured over him. I believe (and like to think) that his heart is healed, and he sent Knox and Sloane to help heal yours. Hearts and thoughts definitely don't fade away, you're right. I don't want them to, though. Cohen is intertwined with you and he has shaped who you are today. That is so powerful. And what a gift it is, to be able to give our babies life, through allowing them to shine through us. Keeping you in my prayers this month and always!

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  12. Beautiful post. I love their shirts. Such a great way to honor their big brother!

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  13. Beautiful post... My son was born with a CHD too

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  14. Beautiful babies! Every time you write about Cohen, I tear up.

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  15. Hi Meghan,

    I just stumbled upon your blog when I was searching for a picture for my CHD awareness updates on my son's FB page. My sweet heart warrior, Ollie, became a heart angel last month at 13 months old. I look forward to coming back and following your entries when I have more time. The one I was able to read sounds like you've managed to stay positive and faithful through the loss of your sweet baby, and that's how my hubby and I are trying to move forward also. Hugs to you <3 Ollie's story https://www.facebook.com/pages/Ollie-Hinkle/179901235466883?fref=ts

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