don’t fade away…. I know, contrary to Pearl Jam.
So, February is a pretty meaningful month around here.
It’s the month for hearts and love.
On February 13, 2010, we found out our first born baby, Cohen, had a very broken heart. We met with a cardiologist who ultimately told us that our chances of having Cohen in our arms were very slim. She was wrong. We did in fact hold him. We knew his name when we found out about his heart. We knew he was a boy. I felt him move and kick. He was real and he was perfect. He just had a very broken heart.
A few days after we met with that local cardiologist and my OB, we met with a heart surgeon in Dallas. We later met with a surgeon in Houston, but we knew and still felt Dallas was where we needed to be. We were right. The staff and surgeon were amazing. Cohen taught us all.
Cohen was born doing better than expected. He fought harder than most believed he could, and longer than they thought he would. His heart surgeon did help mend his heart, but his little body couldn’t fight the edema that came along with it.
Sometimes is still feels like a dream. I know it’s not and I thank God I don’t dream about it on a normal basis. Of course I think about him regularly, but I’ve had to let days go. I can’t think about the 7th every month, the day of the month in which he was born, or the 18th of the month when he went to Heaven.
February 13th isn’t a day I think I’ve let go of….along with the two days in June, of course. On February 13th, mine and Brent’s lives changed forever. We knew that.
I can’t imagine life not having had Cohen or Knox & Sloane. They were all in our lives within fourteen months of one another and they will be in our lives forever. Heaven seems so far away, but one day we will all be together and it’s pretty exciting.
So, I won’t go into statistics on heart disease and what not today. It’s obviously something I feel pretty passionate about, but just know your heart can be broken physically and mentally and you can overcome it. Of course, mental breakdowns are normal, and though sometimes it’s hard to hear, “God has a plan,” but in my opinion that’s true.
So hear we are. We have no idea if Knox & Sloane would be here without having had Cohen. We have no idea why God picked us to have Cohen, a baby with a broken heart. We’ve learned we can’t question any of it. We have lived it and we still are and we are happy.
We are happy for our broken hearts and for our full hearts, even when they both may sometimes hurt.