I've been thinking about Cohen quite a bit lately. I think about him a lot, but around the holidays, I think about him not being here with us even more.
I think the loss of any loved one is definitely.....
felt deeply around the holidays or special events. That seems like human nature.
Now that Knox & Sloane are a bit older, it truly feels like we have kids during the holidays. I know we had them here with us last year, but they were still so small and quiet. This yea, now with it being Thanksgiving, I think about how thankful we are for our children and of course, Cohen was our first child..but he's not here. So while we are thankful for our children and love spending special holidays with them, we still feel a part of our heart is missing. Don't get me wrong, our hearts are so very full, but I imagined holidays with Cohen and then I wondered if he would be here with us. Then, I realized he wouldn't be. The moments I longed for with my child, during the holidays don't exist, but they do.
I know what it's like to long for a child to celebrate these special holidays with. The fall & winter after Cohen passed away were hard, but my heart still had hope. It ached, but I wanted life to go on and my hope for children to continue. My love and memories of Cohen continued.
As we traveled for Thanksgiving this year, we loaded BT in the car like we did Knox & Sloane, our luggage and ourselves. I thought about Cohen on the way and I woke up next to BT. Full heart..happy heart...but a little bit sad, too.
Then, an hour after I woke up, I read this email...
It was a sign and my Thanksgiving felt complete. Even though I knew he is here with us, I think God knew I needed that reminder. He's all around us. He is as thankful for Knox & Sloane as we are.
If you are hopeful for a child, don't give up. If you've loved ours, thank you.
We are thankful for you!
Children's will always hold a special place in our heart and I so enjoy reading their blog and Facebook posts. We were so grateful to be able to donate the iPods and we appreciate the portion that was donated to help us do so. Very thankful this Thanksgiving and always.