Itty Bitty

As part of the Huggies’ series, I’m sharing my experience when Knox & Sloane were newborns. This time a year ago, they were still my newborn babies. 

It will probably always blow my mind that I had twins. It’s one of those, I-just-never-thought-I-would’s.

Having said goodbye to Cohen fourteen months prior to having Knox & Sloane, I was pretty scared……
I was scared something was going to happen to them; I was scared I couldn’t protect them. Looking back now, my anxiety was pretty high. I was going on adrenaline, but in extremely happy new baby bliss, too.

I wanted to feel whatever emotions I was going to feel. Of course I had those roller coaster hormonal emotions. I also knew God wouldn’t give me more than I could handle. I had to tell myself that quite often.

Each day felt like a milestone. The first one being no NICU. The next one being leaving the hospital. Then, every day after.

I loved holding Knox & Sloane as newborns. We didn’t hold them around the clock, but we held them a lot. I cherished those moments, because I knew. I knew they would pass quickly and it was bittersweet when those days were behind us. I was right.

I mean I would hold them and just cry and cry. I was just so thankful to have them. It was probably funny watching me interact with them. When they were sleeping, I didn’t mind them being in their crib, but when they were awake, I wanted them in my arms. I wanted to be able to see in their eyes and talk to them. I know they knew my voice because they had been hearing it for so long, but I wanted to put a name with a face and I thought maybe they would want to also.

I look back on moments of stress and think, I should have trusted that it would be okay. Afterall, it was out of my control. It was my first time having a baby at home with me, much less two. I just wanted to do anything I could to ensure that they were happy and safe. Knox came out with a stuffy nose and he gave us a few little scares, but if I have more children, I’ll know. I just didn’t know then, ya know? I’ll know what to do or what can help.

I think breastfeeding gave me a wonderful bond with Knox & Sloane as newborns. I did each one individually for several weeks and then I did them at the same time. As newborns, it really gave us a physical closeness that we had already been sharing for so many months while they were in utero. It was just a tad bit different and, of course, more comfortable for us all. I’m thankful I was able to breastfeed and that they wanted to. We lasted until they were about ten months and then it just got a bit too hectic.

I know I’ve blogged about this multiple times, but getting Knox & Sloane on a schedule early on really helped me to enjoy my time with them even more as newborns. We went for two weeks just going with the flow, and while it was fine, it was kind of like a waiting game. Once we started trying to schedule, I didn’t feel the anxiety like I did before. Of course a schedule didn’t happen overnight, but it didn’t take long either. They thrived on it and it definitely helped me be the best mom I could be. It helped me get better sleep, it helped my milk and it helped my overal alertness. I knew what and when they were doing it and we were able to be organized, which let’s face it, organization never hurt anyone 

I’m glad I cherished those newborn moments…those weeks. I’m so thankful for the pictures I took and the tears I cried. They weren’t always blissful tears, but I was ready, and thankful, for any emotion as long as I could have my babies here. They were mending my broken heart and I’ll never forget my sweet baby newborns.

When you look at my newest post, quite a bit has changed, huh? haha. 

Have a good day! 

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  1. says

    Awe…the newborn days. I'm glad I am not the only one that would cry. I could remember just being overcome with emotion and feeling like I was falling in love (obviously a different type of love) and my heart was growing. My husband would ask me why I would cry and I would just tell him I never knew love like this was possible!!

  2. says

    They are too too sweet!! Our twins will be here by Thanksgiving so I'm at that point where I want to meet them so bad, but it's too early for them to be born just yet!! LOVE your twin advice and that you reminisce in their early days even though they are over one now :) I need lots of advice!!

  3. says

    Be gentle with yourself with the "shoulds". The anxiety of new parenting after loss is not something you should regret. It is a sign of your love for all three of your sweet babies. I remember that very fragile time for my husband and I was filled with so many emotions too. :-)

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