I look at this picture and it is how I remember him. Perfect. He was perfect on the outside. Although, this picture is edited. His skin was torn and raw from having the tape on it to hold in the tubes and cords.
When I look at the unedited pictures, it makes me think how bad it hurt to see him sick. It makes me think about the prayers I prayed for healing.
It makes me think about how those prayers were answered even though it didn't mean he would be here with us when he was healed.
Sometimes I dream about his last day in the hospital and sometimes I intentionally think about it. It really does give me a million emotions. I think about leaving the hospital without him. I think about when Brent told me he wasn't going to make it. I think about how we knew. We knew would had to say goodbye. We knew we had just hours left with him. I think about how we held him as he left this life.
June 18th is obviously a date that will always stick with me.
This little hand let go of me :(
It's one of those dates we never expected to happen before becoming pregnant with Cohen.
It's a date too close to when he was born.
It's a date too close to Father's Day.
It's a date that hurt really, really bad.
It was still a day of healing for Cohen and that's what matters. That's what I prayed for.
I know he had a wonderful birthday. I know he is thankful Brent had a good Father's Day yesterday. I know he is thankful that we are happier than we've ever been. I know he is thankful for Knox & Sloane, too.
I'm still going to post more about our trip to Dallas and Children's Medical Center, on his birthday this year. On Saturday, I posted some news links to the iPod Donation. Part of Cohen will always be at Children's and forever in our hearts.