One Year in Heaven

A year ago today Cohen went to Heaven.

I can’t believe it’s been a year.

The day before, his little body started dialysis in order to rid some of the fluid that had built up causing his edema (swelling). Cohen had undergone major open heart surgery, and many others, and his little chest was still open. His body was so swollen, they couldn’t sew it up yet. No one knew how his body would take to the dialysis, but by the next morning, it seemed to be helping. They were slowing pulling other medications off that might have been contributing to the edema.

Since some of the swelling was going down, they needed to change his breathing tube in order to fit properly. They invited us to stay in the room, but I didn’t handle seeing anything go on very well, so we declined. We opted to speak with one if his doctors instead. However, that conversation was one of the hardest we had. He laid everything out and we knew Cohen’s chances weren’t looking good unless he started going uphill in several ways.  I specifically prayed for healing and no pain.  When we rounded the corner going back to his room, he was going into cardiac arrest. The replacement of the breathing tube had torn his trachea.

The next conversation with the doctor was the hardest we had. Cohen would be healed, but not here with us. We have no idea what Cohen’s healing here on earth would have been like, but clearly God did.

We had six hours left with Cohen. Those hours and many weeks following would be the hardest thing Brent and I have, and hopefully will, ever experience. 

Of course we were thankful he would be healed, but devastated he wouldn’t be here.

More specific details about the conversations and that day are here and I just posted his baptism a few days ago.

I know I talk about the pictures often and those they still break pieces of my heart, but I want to look at them, because I want to see him. Brent’s mom took all these pictures.

Most of the week Cohen’s eyes were shut because he was sedated with medication. He could hear us. Since they were pulling off medication the last day and the day before, Cohen was somewhat alert. When he wasn’t sleeping could hear us and see us.

Besides the next picture, the last few pictures I’m posting have been edited. Because of the medical tape, Cohen’s little face was pretty torn up :( We have lots of pictures this way, but still see his perfectness.

I know Cohen had a wonderful year in Heaven, but we sure miss him. God blessed us.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. ~ Roman 15:13

Thank you all for the love and prayers this year. 

All of Cohen’s story is here.

Photobucket 

Comments

  1. says

    Praying for you today and sending you love, support, and hugs. Cohen and the twins are so lucky to call you and Brent his parents. May God bring you peace and happiness today.

  2. says

    Praying SO hard for you today (and everyday) sweet friend! I can't imagine the depths of emotion and pain that today will bring, but I pray that your hearts find some level of peace and hope today. I am SO sorry that Cohen did not recieve his Earthly healing. Those pictures are so hard to look at (I can't even imagine being his parents and looking at them) but what a blessing to have, to see your sweet boy. What a fighter! What a little hero! He has touched SO many lives, complete strangers like myself.

    Love and prayers coming your way…

  3. says

    My heart ached for you a year ago when I read on facebook that he would be going to Heaven. My heart aches for you still. If you want to know the exact scripture I can get it to you, but I know that Jesus holds a special place in His heart for the little ones. I can't begin to immagine your pain. One thing is for sure, that Cohen's life caused me to read one more book at bedtime, give the hug a tighter squeeze, give more hugs and kisses, be more patient with the screamers :), and so many, many more. Asking God to give you comfort…

  4. says

    Hi, Megan. I've been reading your blog for quite some time, but haven't commented before. I'm so incredibly sorry for the loss you had to experience. Looking at these pictures has made me sit and cry and want to run in my son's room and hold him so tight (he's napping right now). I will say a prayer for you today. God bless.

  5. says

    Lots of love and prayers for you, your family and Cohen today! He's up in heaven smiling down on y'all looking forward to the two little ones who are about to join the family.

  6. says

    Tears are streaming down my face. What am amazing, strong, and beautiful little boy. Yes, you are so blessed to have had those precious days with him, and he is so blessed to have parents like you. Praying for you!

  7. says

    Thinking of you and praying for you today. May God fill you with peace and comfort. You are truly an example of the faith and hope that God seeks to find in all of his children.

  8. says

    Oh dear God this is bringing tears to my eyes. He's such a BEAUTIFUL baby and I can't wait to meet him someday in Heaven and hold him. You both have so much courage and love…and you are loved so much by everyone who reads your story. I can't imagine how hard this last year has been for you both, and then again it's been an amazing year full of hope and blessings. God works in ways we cannot understand that is for sure, but His ways are sovereign & God will fulfill His promise to us. Love you both and praying for you daily! Much love, Becky Branch

  9. says

    Praying for your family each day, especially today. I know how painful a one year in heaven day can be. My son Luke went to heaven in October 2009. His sister Adyn joined him on May 24, 2011. For me it's a comfort their together and have each other and are safe, loved and healthy in heaven.

  10. says

    Thinking and praying for you today. I have tears running down my face looking at these pictures… you can clearly see and sense how much he was loved.

  11. says

    I just cried my eyes out over this post. I can't imagine.
    My thoughts and prayers are with you all today. You are both SO strong.

    love & prayers

  12. says

    Your MIL is so sweet to take these pictures. I tear up looking at them everytime because I can feel the pain and sorrow (even though I have no idea how it actually feels.) You and Brent have come a long way in the past year. God Bless.

  13. says

    Tears are streaming down my face… He has touched my heart so much and I struggle finding the words to explain that. Thank you and Brent for being the parents to an amazing little man and an inspiration to so many. I have such love for you all. We are Praying all the time.

  14. says

    Just thought I would tell you that your strength and love is what helps my marriage and love of my children everyday. Crazy to know that we will probably never meet and yet you have had that sort of impact on me.

  15. says

    Thinking about you and Brent and Cohen today Megan. Such a beautiful post, you are so strong and I know he is smiling down on you guys. Sloane and Knox are SO lucky to have such a strong big brother

  16. says

    What a beautiful, sweet boy he was. And what an amazing impact he had in his short time on earth. I'm so truly sorry that he's not in your arms today. You and Brent are so strong and I am sending you both thoughts of peace and happiness today. You'll be fantastic parents to the twins – just like you were to Cohen.

  17. says

    He is so stunning. Beautiful, courageous Cohen. It's the worst pain to be away from your child, but you will see him again! St. James says life is a mist, no time at all compared to the eternity of heaven. Your time with him in eternity will be incredible, beyond all our imaginations! Sending love and prayers to you and your family today.

  18. says

    Megan and Brent,

    I prayed for you and your family today. I was in the chapel of the pediatric hospital where my precious nephew had just undergone 7 hours of surgery to repair his broken heart. While we didn't get the home run we hoped for, we are in a better place than we were.

    I could not help but to think of your two. Pray for you. Remember Cohen. I am sorry he is not here with you. I posted something yesterday with regard to our Peter..you may not always get what you want, but you ALWAYS get exactly what you need. I by know means suggest that applies to your situation , it just came to me in a moment of sadness when I was overcome that our brilliant surgeon simply cannot fix Peter's heart 100%.

    I think you are very brave in every way that matters! The pictures are beautiful. When looking at them I felt your deep love for Cohen as well as your deep pain. You are so brave to share them. I pray the coming year is full of abundant joy as you welcome your new beautiful miracles. I pray you see something Cohen in each of them and that your growing family always includes sweet unplanned reminders of your first beautiful boy who forever colors your world and lifts up your heart.

  19. says

    Man! This is one heartfelt post! Heartbreaking and precious all in one thing! Cohen was one lucky boy to be born into this world and he touched many lives while he was alive. Hoping this day is a special memory for you! :)

  20. says

    I think about you often since I stumbled onto your blog. I know Cohen's in heaven laughing and playing with the other children. You are so brave and I thank you so much for sharing Cohen with us!

  21. says

    I'm so sorry for your loss and know today must be hard for you! I read your posts about Cohen and get goose bumbs and tears in my eyes. I can honestly say Cohen and you have touched my heart. I wish the best for you, Brent & the twins! I'm praying for peace for you & Brent today :)

  22. says

    This is a beautiful post. I always cry when I read your stories about Cohen, and especially when I look at pictures of you guys with him. I think it's amazing that you have candid shots of you and your husband with Cohen that show the emotions that you were feeling – I wish we had those! At the time, I would have said no because I would have thought I'd never want to see a picture of myself like that, but in an odd way it's comforting to be able to see yourself exactly how you were when you were with your child for the last time.

    Anyway, praying for you guys and I hope you were able to find some comfort today. You have been such a source of strength for me through your blog over the past year. I hope Brent has a wonderful father's day tomorrow :)

  23. says

    My heart goes out to you every time I look at our sweet little Cohen who is named after your angel. I think of you often and know that while this has been a hard year for both you and Brent, I have seen you grow in so many ways through just your blog posts, and even more amazing is your complete trust in God through it all…such a testimony! Cohen touch many hearts and because of him, many people have been able to see Christ in you and Brent…hugs!

  24. says

    Very sweet post. I still think about Cohen and tell people about his story. I'm praying for you and Brent. I can't even imagine the pain and sorrow you have been through the past year and a half. Blessings to you.

  25. says

    Sweet Megan,

    I have never commented before. However, I have followed you, daily, since before precious Cohen was born. Praying peace and comfort for all today. We continue to mourn death and celebrate new life – in many forms. God's grace is awesome and, as you know, uncomprehensible.
    Be kind to yourself,
    Anne

  26. says

    Angel of God, my guardian dear, to whom God's love commits me here, ever this day be at my side to light, to guard, to rule,to guide.

    Happy 1 year in heaven, Cohen and God bless your mommy and daddy.

  27. says

    Thoughts and prayers for you, Brent, and your entire family. While I never had the pleasure of meeting you or Cohen, I truly feel he has made me a more patient and loving mom. He truly is an angel in the lives of so many!

  28. says

    Praying for your sweet family today…and every day. You are both such a true inspiration and your strength takes my breath away. I lost my Dad suddenly a few years ago…he never got to meet our miracle baby girl here on Earth and I believe that he has found Cohen and is hugging him tight. Prayers always!
    XOXO

  29. says

    I can't find the words… So I will settle for these: Beauty. Grace. Courage. As applied to baby Cohen and his momma and daddy. Thank you for sharing this darling boy, his story, and these photographs that show — the beauty, the grace, and the courage. I'm so glad you have these and feel so privileged to see them.

  30. says

    Precious precious pictures. So glad you have them. I love the picture where you are talking to cohen and his eyes are fixed right on yours. He knew how much he was loved here on earth and he knows how much he is loved in heaven. I truly cannot wait to see you with sloane and Knox. That will be a joyous day! Love and hugs to you from me!

  31. says

    I've been following your story for over a year and it's just crazy to think how many complete strangers have been touched by your story. I often think of you guys and wonder how you are, and think about how Cohen has sent his little brother and sister to you. Happy 1st Heaven birthday, Cohen xxx

  32. says

    Thank you for sharing your beautiful little boy with us! I started following your blog when you were pregnant with him and had just found out about his broken heart. I continue to follow (and pray) for you and your family today. Your strength is truly amazing. Your pictures are so amazing….

  33. says

    Praying for you guys today and every day. I don't know if I had ever seen (or looked close enough) to see the pictures with Cohen's eyes open. He's so beautiful.

    Thank you for sharing your sweet angel with us.

  34. says

    I used to be a NICU chaplain and have walked with many families along similar painful journeys. I was blessed to be a witness to the short but amazing lives of these precious little people. I'm so thankful you had some beautiful people by your side during your most painful moment.

    I started following your journey with Cohen about a month before you found out about his heart while I awaited the arrival of my own little one that April. I cried for you as I sat nursing my little baby boy and remember you frequently as I watch him grow.

    My heart hurts for you so much. Sending you love.

  35. says

    Wow — what a year it's been for you and Brent, and your families. I hope you had a peaceful day yesterday and Happy Father's Day to Brent today! He's endured more as a father than most men have had to, and your three kids are so lucky to have him.

  36. says

    My heart is breaking for you again. I've never met you – and most likely never will – but I cried for you that day and am crying for you again today. You're so brave. Lots of prayers coming your way from Ohio!!

  37. says

    He is such a beautiful baby and so blessed you have you two as parents. I don't know you but have been following your blog for a couple of months and you can just feel the love you both have for all 3 of your precious blessings. Praying for you all!

  38. says

    Your story has had such an impact on me. I cannot imagine what you guys have endured but your strength is unbelievable. Your babies are very lucky to have such amazing parents. Thinking and praying for your strength!

  39. says

    Read a verse from Isaiah this morning and thought of you…

    "I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them."

    Just a reminder HE WILL NOT FORSAKE YOU!!! Praying for you this morning! You are such an inspiration to so many people! Thank you for sharing with us and know that soooo many prayers are being offered up for you sweet family!

  40. says

    Megan I have thought about you and Brent so much these past couple of days. I know you know this, but he is always with you, and I'm sure he gives you strenth on your hard days. I'm so glad you have these pictures, even if they are hard to look at sometimes. He is so beautiful and I'm sure he is having a grand time in heaven!

  41. says

    Just said a little prayer for you. Those last photos are so emotional! Praying Jesus would make Himself and His ways known to you more each day and would give you grace and wisdom during the rest of your pregnancy and raising your 2 newest additions!

  42. says

    I've never commented on your blog before but Cohen's story has touched my heart over the past months. I've been praying for you the past few weeks and I'm so exicted for you about your twinkies.

    I witnessed something Saturday that was completely random and immediately thought of you. I wrote a short blurb about it in my blog (I'm new to the blogging world so I have no idea how to send you a link except for the tried and true copy/paste method) http://knoblettpartyofthree.blogspot.com/2011/06/balloon-landing.html

    Cohen has made a huge impact on so many people!

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