The 7th and the 18th are dates every month that really make me think of Cohen. However, I was thinking today…..there really isn’t a day that I don’t think of Cohen. Since he was born pretty close to the first of the month, when a new month starts, I essentially think, “Cohen would be 7 months old this month,” or whatever month it is. I want to post about him when I want to post about him. So, instead of doing posts specifically on the 7th and 18th, I’ll probably hold off on the 18th…unless, he is on my mind when I sit down to post.
I’m glad he is in heaven, sure, but I’m not really glad he isn’t here. I’d rather him be here. I just try to keep faith I’ll see him again one day.
The sentence above are thoughts I have often.
I could do a blog post about Cohen probably every day. I could post about him; I could post about Brent and I dealing with our grief; I could post about attempting to move on. But I can’t. Every time Cohen crosses my mind, it’s not a sad thought. However, I feel like if I were to sit down and focus on those things I listed above, it could non-intentionally create sad thoughts for me. I do get sad. I’ve blogged about being sad and if the next time I sit down to blog and I’m sad, I’ll blog about that.
I really haven’t a clue where this is going besides the fact that I was thinking to myself I feel like not all, not even the majority, of my posts lately talk about Cohen. It doesn’t mean that I don’t think about him as often as I always have, it just means that I can’t always intentionally go there. Sometimes Brent and I bring him up in conversation to others, sometimes we don’t. We talk about him to each other quite often. I see and feel signs from him all the time. That may sound silly, but I just do. Well, I guess I can’t say there are definitely from Cohen, but they are probably from someone he is pretty close to 🙂
I’m not sure what moving on really means. I think our hearts are mending, but they will always been broken. I think no matter what, sometimes we will get happy when we think of him and sometimes we will get sad.
We aren’t sad everyday. We have happy days. We are thankful we have days period, even if they come with happy moments and sad moments. We believe Cohen is happy.
There are so many families and kids that I’ve been reading about lately who are sick. It breaks my heart. I pray and pray for their healing and peace. I pray they find peace in whatever happens. We are finding peace. I actually think we’ve been gaining peace for a while. There are several heart babies who have had been expected to do much worse than they have and now they are home or heading home. Sometimes that makes me really think about how much I wish Cohen would have gotten to come home. However, I’m SO thankful those babies get to go home. God is working miracles, and though we don’t know why things happen, they happen as they should.
Seven months ago, Cohen went to Heaven.
Perhaps a good example of what I’m talking about in this post….I really wasn’t having a sad moment until I wrote this post, and now I kind of am : /
I occasionally turn off comments, and I think this is a post that I will. You guys always have sweet words. But once again, I just don’t want you to imagine what I’m going through in order to come up with some of those words. We have and will greatly always appreciate your thoughts and prayers!!
Don’t forget this week’s giveaway here.