Thankful now?

I hope you all are having a good Thanksgiving week.

We had a pretty good Thanksgiving day. Along with watching some football, I managed to watch some of Elf and some of Pretty Woman. Two of my favorites. We have had a nice time with our family. We did lots of chatting and eating too much. The day went pretty good though the evening had it’s ups and downs. Brent and  I have certainly been missing Cohen. I’ve been snuggling with BT.

Holidays can be the most wonderful time of the year, but I know they can be pretty sad as well. I know it’s not just for us either. I know it’s easy to think about the missing piece of your puzzle during the holidays. I’ve talked to lots of people this holiday season and I know everyone has their own issues. I’m just trying to stay focused on the things we do have to be grateful for. I can’t say those things overshadow my sadness for Cohen not being here, but I’m trying to not dwell….like I know I could.

Brent and I are clearly missing a large part of our heart. We are thankful for this year though. We are thankful for the twelve days we got to spend with Cohen. We are thankful I was pregnant with him. We are thankful for the thought and hope we may get to see him again one day. We are thankful that our life is and will go on. We really aren’t thankful Cohen isn’t here with us, though we are thankful he is all healed.

I’m starting to think it is possible to have the worst year of your life and the best year of your life. I certainly hope I don’t have another year as awful as this year. However, I do I hope I have another year as good as this one.

{two days old, the afternoon before his first heart surgery – 6.9.10}

I’ve gotten so many emails and comments from people telling me about what Cohen and our situation has taught them or made them realize. With that, brings the nervousness of how quick your life, or the life of someone you love, could end. I am so grateful that the people who have spoken to us may count their blessings more. They cherish each day with their kiddos. They may hold them tighter. I do know having witnessed what our family has gone through may bring fear too. I think people may be more paranoid about their pregnancies, they may think more often about their kids possibly dying in some form or fashion. Well, the truth is, we can, and will, all die. I’m not wanting to get a lecture on death whatsoever. I sometimes feel bad though that people live with the paranoia of “what if”. I think with the blog world, it’s a public journal to read the good, the bad and the ugly. If you read blogs you may be more likely to read a sad story. You may be more likely to come across a blog that deals with sick children, death, divorce, etc. You will probably also find many blogs that pertain to all things happy. While, both are realistic, I hate to think people compare situations or lives. Don’t get me wrong, I think blogging it a great resource and I do think people do go through lots of similar situations.

I know we can all try to prepare for the future as best as possible, but I just want us to cherish each day. Live day-to-day and be thankful for what we have that very day and the days before.

I’m guilty too. I live in fear that I won’t be able to get pregnant again. I worry that when I do,  baby #2 will also have a broken heart. I really just try not to let myself go there. Honestly, there is nothing I can really do to control either of those things. We do know how babies are made and we can only do our part in that aspect. I constantly worry about my family’s health as well, but I know that’s not in my control either.

I’m thankful for my marriage so much this year. Brent and I click. We have grown as a couple. We were great before but now, we are different people…and we still click…thankfully. We are able to talk about everything. We are able to make decisions. I’m thankful for my sanity. I do have good days and think to myself….how did I ever survive these 10 months? I think to myself I’m doing better than I thought I would. Then, I have days and I think that I’m doing awful. From February 11th until now, until day-to-day, our life is not what we thought it would be. I just want to vow to be thankful even through though there has been something bad. There has been the worst. I want to be thankful for all the days that I’ve had and not worry about the ones to come. I am already thankful for the days that will come. However, I know some of those days will be sad days because Cohen isn’t here with us.

I’m not really sure where I was going with all this besides I definitely think being thankful each and every moment that you have would be ideal…though probably not always possible. Even if you don’t feel like you have much to be thankful for, you do. You have something. You have your life and a lot of it is up to you how you will live it!

Thanks for letting me get that out :)

We have been debating on  doing some shopping for black Friday. We did just a little bit last year, but didn’t go into the city (DFW)…just some small shops around town. My dad has gone out SUPER early in the past, but I don’t think he is this year. Are you all going out shopping? Is their a good, specific deal you are going after??

A few other things –
~ I’m not sure what happened to my links in the previous post but I think I fixed them and made them bright blue.
~ Don’t forget to check out a great opportunity to win great prizes from one of the NFL’s sponsors, Procter & Gamble and maybe a trip to Hawaii HERE.
~ Don’t forget about this weeks giveaway!



  1. says

    What a beautiful post Megan! I love this line: "I certainly hope I don't have another year as awful as this year. However, I do I hope I have' another year as good as this one.
    You are an amazingly strong woman Megan. Know that I continually pray for you guys. May God continue to give you peace & strength!

  2. says

    I stayed in today with sweats, warm socks, and steamy coffee…

    Lovely post… so much to be thankful for. I have found, after experiencing great loss in my life as well, that it is very difficult to thank God for our pain… but He even takes our greatest hurts and turns them into something beautiful if we let Him…

    God bless you and yours this holiday season!

  3. says

    What a beautiful post!
    I've never gone out on Black Friday and I don't ever intend to. Too crazy and I hate crowds like that! I'd much rather sleep in and stay in my sweats all day :)

  4. says

    You are so amazing. You seem so incredibly strong. I'm sure you don't want your blog to be a total downer, but I like it (somewhat) when you post about the sad times becuase it reminds me to pray for you and your husband.

    I'm sure your holidays this year will be very emotional, but I pray God carries you through them with the reminder that He gave up his son, too.

    Take care!

  5. says

    Thank you for this post. It's so real, and so true. I love your "realness".

    I ventured out just to see what was going on. We only went to Lowe's to check out some flooring. It was pretty crazy out there. I'm very happy at home for today.

  6. says

    I thought of you and Brent lots yesterday and prayed extra hard for you! Even though we have never met I feel like we have a bond through blogging! I knew this was gonna be a first for you guys and my heart was just aching for your broken heart! I know Christmas will be a tough one to and I pray that God see's you through and gives you strength and peace during the difficult days! You are handling yourself so well and I just wanted to say that you are such an inspiration although I wish the circumstances were different!!

    We are totally avoiding the stores today LOL…I will shop online hahahha


  7. says

    i hear you on this blog! we have not lost a baby but my husband suffered a traumatic brain injury in Aug 2009 and this is our 2nd thanksgiving in a hospital/rehab setting. he is getting better but it has taken a mass amount of time! in some way we both have lost something and i appreciate your honesty and heart! many blessings to you as you go through the holiday seasons without your lil man! may God fill your heart with all the love and peace that you need!!

  8. says

    Lovely heartfelt post.
    Sending you love & prayers to be able to enjoy this bittersweet holiday season honey :)
    How are you doing? I've been thinking of you for the past couple of days and meant to get out a note to you – I guess this counts :) Email me w/ an update!

  9. says

    I know this holiday season will not be as joyful for you and Brent as past ones have been. I will be praying for you guys. I'm so glad I got to spend part of Thankgiving week with you. It was SO much fun!

  10. says

    You always have such a great perspective on everything. I totally see how in the darkest and worst of times can emerge the biggest blessings and best of times. I think that I am one of those people who has truly tried to not take anything for granted but also been more fearful than usual, partially as a result of Cohen's story (and others like it), but you are so right that ultimately we're not in control of any of this. All we can do is live life and make good decisions while we're here. I know the holidays are likely to make your heart heavy this year, but there are still so many people praying for you all (and learning from you too). No Black Friday shopping for me – it stresses me out on a normal day!

  11. says

    I think of you often and your thoughts are so appreciated. I agree…even if the same thing happens to two families (or women) it's still different. It's so hard to compare situations. There is good and there is bad. we know that Cohen's heart is healed and his pain is gone…but it's our time (as blog friends and IRL) to wrap ourselves around Brent and you and let you know that you are loved. We can not imagine what it was like to lose Cohen because we are not his parents. We love him always. I don't know what I'm trying to write…except you're been in my prayers for thankfulness that you had 12 days with Cohen on earth and for support and love. You are an wonderful couple and your son is absolutely amazing. Twelve days on earth to change the world. He is missed though.

  12. says

    What a beautiful and honest post Megan…. I can't imagine your heartache this time of year.
    I find myself feeling the highest of highs this time of year… and it's wonderful… but somehow, it's also easy to slip into the really low lows this time of year too. But you are so right- no matter what's missing, there is so much that is actually here for us to be thankful for. And I will try my best to see that this year.
    And I can't calm your fears- but I do believe that everything happens for a reason. And I have to believe that WHEN you get pregnant again, your baby will have the strongest heart there is. I'm pretty sure his or her big brother Cohen will be watching from Heaven, making sure that's the case :)

  13. says

    I can totally relate to the holidays being not exactly what you expected them to be… having somebody missing is definitely an adjustment – and not a fun one.

    Sometimes, I think "why me?!" and then other times I think "other people have it so much worse." There is so much perspective to be gained reading the blogs of others – and fear too. Holidays are hard, for sure.

    I didn't get to shop this Black Friday… only work work work. 12 hours on my feet has earned me tomorrow on the couch, I think. Too bad I have to work, again.

    Monday for sure – lounging.

  14. says

    Hey there! I am pleased to announce that there was no shopping for me today. Just a doctor's appointment and a movie with the hubby.

    I love this post. I thought a lot of you this week. Hope you have a good weekend.

  15. says

    You are such a sweet lady. I could only imagine how you are in person :)

    Cohen was lucky to have you in those 12 short days and as you were with him. He was a beautiful boy and I pray you are able to experience that love again.

  16. says

    As you talk about your fears and wonders for Baby #2…. it reminds me of something I was told this year. "We do not pray to know why, we pray to understand."

    The person who told me this had a niece die at 2 from a heart condition. Her sister was born 5 years later with the same condition, but they were looking for it. Little sister is now a healthy 16. They didn't know why the first had to go to Heaven, but a few years later, they understood. I pray that your understanding comes crystal clear someday (hopefully NOT in the form of a second baby with a broken heart!) but maybe you have already helped someone else understand. *hugs*

    And Black Friday – yes. 10 hours worth!

  17. says

    You are amazing! Thank you so much for this post. I admire you so much…in the midst of your loss and pain, you are still able to articulate what is truly important: learning to cherish every day that we have to live…and I really admire you for that.

    This post really struck a chord with me; my husband and I have lived in "fear" of (our) pregnancies; we know too many couples who have suffered devastating losses (like your own), or whose children are born with debilitating illnesses, and it just makes us…paranoid. Paranoid that we might never be fully equipped to withstand something so…major. I realize that living in fear is not the healthiest way to live, but it is our reality.

    Thank you for sharing so much of yourself and most importantly, for sharing Cohen's story. There is so much that I am learning from you and your husband.


  18. says

    I love your honesty. I'm so glad that you and Brent have had each other and come through so strongly as a couple. I thought about you guys lots over the holiday, and I know it's not how you pictured it a year ago :( Maybe next year will be a little different? :)

  19. says

    thanks for sharing this. your blog has been on my blog list for a while, but i've just started reading it regularly and i've just been amazed by you and your husband's strength. i'm thankful for your posts….they really put things in perspective.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *